saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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