You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
