If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize