Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
