i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
