i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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