I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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