i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
