he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
