First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize