This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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