Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
