So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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