i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
