i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
