He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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