i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
