I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize