Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Randomize
