make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
