just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
