I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize