oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
