You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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