Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
