Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My bed smells like the plague
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
