i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
