We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
