Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
