I think I won the penis lottery.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
