She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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