there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
