I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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