apparently the secret to your success is patron
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
