So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
