what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
