Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My balls are so social today.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
