Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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