Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
