I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I did not marry a roomba.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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