Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
