I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
