This girl is more easily done than said...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
