OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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