I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
