question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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