Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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