Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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