I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
