Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
