Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
