i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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