It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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