have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
