i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
