Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
