you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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