those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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