So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
