my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm passing your future prison.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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