Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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