You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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