I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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