SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
