Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
