I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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