Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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