I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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