Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
