that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
