i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
