He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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