I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize