So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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