apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
only if we run a train.
done.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
