Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
