So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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