I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
