A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize