In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
