I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
