Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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